You were tired and nervous, reacting in a way that hurt the feelings of your child. What should you do in such situation?

You’ve just come home from work, nervous and exhausted. Your child wants to do something, but you harshly say NO! The child tries to explain why he wants to do it, but you simply don’t want to listen. Has such a situation ever happened to you, when you’re torn between so many duties in the office and other responsibilities, that you start to yell at your child for a trivial thing when you finally get home? Frankly, it happened to me on several occasions.

People say that the things the child remember most from their childhood are your failures and certain mistakes. That is true. Therefore, try to control your behavior, act positively, and give good examples to your child. Don’t let them have a pocket full of bad memories.

Don’t try to justify yourself with lame excuses for not being able to listen to their stories. How many times have we heard from others they lead a pretty hard life, that they’re constantly struggling with the lack of money, or similar things. It can all be true, it can be something that troubles and prevents us from being perfect parents. But, your justifications won’t work with your children. Only other parents can really understand what you are going through. They would nod, cluck, and confirm everything you say, since all of you share the same problems. However, whose love and understanding you need more, of those other parents and people, or of your children?

Therefore, you should be aware how important is to apologize to your kid for any mistakes you make (we all make them). Saying “I’m sorry” can mean a lot in the situation when your child is sitting in the corner in his room alone and sad (and in my case, angry), where you have just sent him because he wanted to tell you something incredibly important (for him, at least ). If you skip to apologize and comfort yourself with the thought how your parents did the same thing when you were young, (“and now there’s nothing wrong with you”), you will endanger future relationship with your child. There is a possibility to repeat the same mistake more than once. Thus, when your child comes to you with a scratch on his knee, believing he has a good reason for your attention, don’t turn away your head, saying you fell million times as a child, asking him to stop acting like a baby. Or one night, when you get home exhausted, still having a lot of work to do, and he interrupts you with some very important and urgent issue, be patient. Don’t say something like “For goodness sake, leave me alone and get back into your room!”, although you would feel like it.

Similar situations may happen several times until your child stops communicating with you. No one will ever ask you anything or disturb you. You will have plenty of time to work or do whatever you like. However, this might not be good. You will shut that small door that leads to your child. That door isn’t small at all. In fact it’s the biggest door you’ll struggle not to close, for your lifetime

So the next time you fall into this “trap”, don’t forget about your little one to whom you are the whole world. Think how he might feel and don’t make any excuses saying that he will forget everything eventually. 

Children can forget words and events, but they will never forget how they felt in certain situations, especially if they were hurt by your actions. Thus, go back to your child, hug him and say magical “I’m sorry!” Then, explain him what was the cause of your reaction, and let him to tell you what he wanted. If the child is angry and refuses to communicate, tickle him, tell him something that will make him laugh, or find some other way to cheer him up. You should also be prepared to accept his criticism. My kids, for instance, never miss the opportunity to tell me how rude I was 

(My post on NDF Blog)

I can’t buy you this! I don’t have money!

Parents often Hide lack of money. They don’t recognize why they can’t buy something to their kids. The worst thing is to buy kid whatever he want, no matter how U can handle that, because „kid deserve that“. We often say „kid is good in school“. Great, you find the stimulation, and means for manipulation...manipulation with you. One my friend used to say „If you were my parents kid, they would go bankrupt!“(I was good student). He perfectly manipulated with his parents, but I don’t belive that they were satisfied. 

I don’t practice that. For me, it’s OK that kids also know why something we can’t buy. Not because „no reason“, it’s because we have strong reason. We earn money. Money is limited category (for the most of us) and should be spent wisely. So, be free to tell your kids „I don’t have money for that“ or „I don’t have money now“. It will be unpleasantly for the first time, but that’s reality, and kids will realise that better than you expect.

If you say “I said no, and it’s the end!”, you left kid confused. They don’t know what is the reason, or are they make mistake, or you just express your power over them.  The thirt is the worst!

Yes, it’s tough, but time and training (for them and you) will help. Maybe, even you fix your bad habits, especially if you prefer compulsive buying.

How to develop good communication with your children

Parenting is all about communicating with your child in the right way. We, parents, are grown-ups, with a lot of life experience, whilst the kids are still young and often misunderstood by us. My children, for instance, often tell me “But, mom, you just don’t understand me”. I admit I sometimes have problems in communication with them. However, I’m doing my best to comprehend what they’re trying to say or do. On the other hand, there are those opposite situations when my children cannot understand me. Moreover, they can respond to my words with plenty of eye-rolling, sighing, head-shaking, and showing that they don’t care without any regret.

In order to get full attention of your child, next time when you talk about something important, be aware of the following:

• Find the right time to talk about important issues. You can talk to your child before bedtime, when he or she is in bed, not sleeping, but playing with a toy or reading a book. Sit next to him or tuck yourself beside him in bed. Then take some time to gain his full attention until you start talking about those important issues. Or, you can choose to talk to your child when you’re outside, walking in the park. Remember, the best way to communicate with your children is when they feel relaxed.
• If they do the eye-roll every time you give them some advice, explain them it’s not the right attitude, and ask them if they disagree with what you are saying.
• If you child looks away, ask him to pay attention and make sure your talking won’t take too long.
• Turn off the TV while talking about something important, since TV draws attention away. You’ve probably noticed that they just don’t listen to you when the TV is on (some interesting content for kids, such as cartoons).

You should also be prepared for a conversation. Here are some tips to do so:

• If you want your child to be a good listener, make sure you’re a good role model. Take some time to listen to them and show them you pay attention to what they are saying. Thus, when they are talking about their problems or answer your questions, use phrases such as “I agree”, “Really?”, “Yes, it must be so.”…You can also nod or shake your head.
• Don’t let anything disturb conversation with your child, like a phone call or SMS. A rude thing to do is to interrupt a conversation by saying “Wait a minute, I have to take this call and then we continue!”. This will only show the child that your phone call is more important than the things you wanted to talk about. Therefore, choose the right time for conversation.
• Don’t give endless lectures. A conversation that seems never to end, in which you do all the talking, can be exhausting for a child. In addition, if he knows that you are prone to it, he will probably withdraw from the conversation, not willing to participate. You won’t even reach the point “go in one ear and out the other”.
• Avoid criticism. This is probably the most difficult task for you, especially if the conversation is about something your child has done wrong. Try to put yourself in his place and reduce your criticism in the best possible way, so he might not be aware of it.

Use some of these methods and tips, and you and your child will learn how to listen to each other. This will help you develop good communication with them, which is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship.

(My post on NDF Blog)

"Bullies- A Parent story"

This is the story, written by one mom Blogger (Michelle's Blog), about the problems that her son, in fact their entire family, has with bullies at school. This is a huge problem, and sometimes It seems to like , that everybody close their eyes in front of him. All I can do now, is to share it with you. Read it, and I'm sure, that you'll find somebody you know inside story.

"Before I tell my story of what I've experienced this past year I'd like to go back 35  years for when I was a child.  Life was different in 1978.  Our parents let us outside for the day without supervision.  There were no scheduled play dates or all day summer camps.  I lived in a neighborhood where there were at least 15 kids and we played all day until our parents called us in for meals.  I can remember sledding in the winter, kick-ball in the summer and countless hours of imaginary play.  For the most part, we all got along but there were those days where conflict arose.  What I DON'T remember is; running to my mother every time I had an issue with another kid.  We worked it out on our own and moved on.  As I grew older, I remember two specific days where I encountered a Bully.  I don't remember their names and I barely recall what they said.  However, I do remember standing up for myself and the fact that those two girls never bothered me again. This gave me a tremendous sense of pride. I stood up for myself and won! From that moment, I knew that I could handle anything.

Now lets fast forward to 2014 where the word "Bully" is a buzz word and every school is "cracking down on Bullies".  There are "Anti-Bullying" policies and "Bully Prevention" programs.  The public school in my town has been quoted as saying we have "a zero tolerance for bullies."  However, I've learned this year that their tolerance for such behavior is much higher than they are leading us to believe.  In my town, things have got better for the Bully.  These kids now have the upper hand because they have learned how to work the system.  I can't tell you how many mothers I have talked to that all describe a similar situation:

On the playground, a Bully pushed my child to the ground.  My child stood up and pushed them back.  The Bully became upset and ran to the teacher and my child got in trouble.

I have heard the same story time and time again from other parents.  There are so many things wrong with that statement.  First of all, where was the supervision?  If a school is going to have an "Anti-Bullying" policy then why aren't they watching their students?  If they are not going to properly supervise their students then I firmly believe they should let the children work it out on their own.  In this particular situation, the Bully became empowered and the child that stood up for himself became a victim.

My Story:

I have a son who is my pride and joy. He is outgoing, smart and very funny. These traits he got from his father.  He is also highly sensitive and therefore becomes very upset when someone is mean to him.  When he first began public school he instinctively stood up to the Bullies;  if someone pushed him, he pushed back and I remember thinking that I would never have to worry about him.  Then, he began getting in trouble and the teachers started telling him that everything his parents were teaching him was WRONG.  They told him NOT to hit back and NOT to use unkind words when a Bully started antagonizing him. They advised him to talk to an adult instead.  However, every time he did go to a teacher they told him to ignore it, to walk away and move on.  By 2nd Grade my confident young boy became so confused and distraught that he actually started showing physical signs of anxiety.  He began having facial tics.  A Tic is an uncontrollable spasm in the face, such as blinking of the eyes, flaring the nostrils and opening the mouth.  One of the most common contributing factors to Tics is stress and anxiety. 

By 3rd Grade, his Tics became noticeable to other children and this is where my story begins.  In every school, there are different kinds of Bullies.  There are the Bullies who are aggressive.  They are the ones that will openly make fun of another child, they push, they hit, and they do anything to make themselves feel empowered.  Often, these aggressive Bullies are well known in school.  Every parent has a story about them. 

Then there is the Silent-Bully.  These are the kids who seem to fly under the radar because they are extremely well behaved in front of the teachers.  These children will smile at the teacher one minute while they are quietly insulting a classmate the next minute.  This past year, my son had a problem with both of these types of Bullies.  The first child, the Aggressive-Bully, had been bothering my son and many other children for quite some time.  In fact, by October of 2013, I had been documenting his behavior towards my son and had compiled a list of incidents that were 3 pages long.  The second child, the Silent-Bully, we have had problems with since Pre-School.  I tried to reach out to his mother on several occasions but each time she refused to believe that her son could do anything wrong and she frequently blamed my son for any conflict that came between them. 

When my child approached me and told me about these two boys, my first reaction was to tell him to stand up for himself.  To which my son replied, "I can't.  If I do, then I will get in trouble!"  I knew he was right.  From our experiences with the public school these past 4 years and the stories I've heard from other parents, I knew that we had to conquer this issue a different way.  I started to write a letter to the principal but I didn't send it right away because I was concerned about the repercussions of bringing this all to light.  The mother of the Silent-Bully is a prominent figure in my town.  However, the day after I finished this letter my son came home and told me that the Silent-Bully was making fun of his Tics.  I knew, then, that I couldn't let this go on.  I sent the letter that evening to the principal, outlining with dates, the problems that my son was having with these 2 boys.  I requested that consequences be given to the Aggressive-Bully for frequently assaulting my child. As for the Silent-Bully, I simply asked that his mother be notified and that a letter of apology addressed to my son be written promptly. 


The next day, the school contacted me and said that they would do an "investigation" into the matter.  However, within a week, I learned that my concerns about calling attention to the Silent-Bully and his mother were correct for she immediately responded by bad-mouthing me (and my child) all around town and the principal still hadn't taken any action.  I now felt like I was the one being Bullied.  So, I foolishly tried to reach out to this woman again and confront her about the slanderous accusations she was saying about me and my family.  When I did, she accused me of "harassing" her.  Since that day, whenever I walk by her I am accosted by snickers and dirty looks from her and her children.  If only she spent her energy on being a good role model to her children instead of bad-mouthing me, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, but I digress.

I waited weeks for that letter of apology and for the school to notify me regarding the action they were planning to take.  I grew impatient and requested a meeting with the Superintendent.  Two days before this meeting took place; the Principal called my child into his office and made him sign a form stating that HE must stay away from the boys who are bullying him!  I was never notified of this meeting, before or after it took place.  The only reason I found out was because my child was deeply disturbed and upset the next morning. He didn't want to go to school.  He was having trouble breathing and his Tics were out of control.  When I inquired as to what was bothering him, I was completely appalled!  He didn't understand why HE was in trouble and neither did I.  I immediately called the principal and demanded answers.  The Principal's only reply was that the Silent-Bully's mother had complaints too and he thought it would be better if they just "Stayed-Away" from each other.  I didn't send my son to school that day, instead, we spent the day at the pediatrician's office where I was told that he experienced an anxiety attack.

I wrote a letter to the Superintendent, complaining about the Principal.  In this letter, I informed her that I was intending to bring a lawyer to our meeting that week.  It was on this day that I learned for the first time that when you use the word "lawyer" in a sentence it changes everything.  The Superintendent's office pulled out all the stops to try and cancel our meeting.  First they said they "could only meet with me if my husband attended the meeting."  Then, when my husband changed his schedule to accommodate them they tried to cancel again stating that "someone from their party was sick."  I told them that if they didn't meet with me that I would take legal action.  So, they met with me, but it only lasted 5 minutes because they pretended to not know that I was bringing legal council. However, before we left, my lawyer made it very clear that having my child sign a "Stay-Away" plan without my consent was a federal violation of his civil rights. (By the way, I demanded a copy of this form.  On it, there is a line for the Principal's signature, the school counselor's signature and my 9 year olds signature.  On that document there is NOT one place for a parent's signature!  I didn't think it was legal for a 9 year old to sign a document.)


A month later, when their lawyer called my lawyer they labeled the incident as "Mutual Bullying" and said that the "Stay-Away" plan was put in place to assure the safety of all the children involved.  During this time, the Principal of my child's school also tried to ruin my creditability by telling his lawyer that I was walking around the playground "yelling at any kid that bothered my son."  That is an outrageous lie and I am appalled that they would stoop so low in order to get out of a lawsuit. 


It is now June and we have only 8 more days in this school.  He is not returning next year, we have decided to send him to a private school.  Since this incident he has undergone therapy and his Tics are almost gone.  I still believe that we should teach our children how to stand up to Bullies but I also believe in teaching them empathy so they understand that it's not their fault.  I know for a fact that one of the Bullies he had a problem with comes from a difficult family situation. I have to say, if there is a silver lining to all of this it's that my son and I have become closer.  He knows I have his back and he talks to me about everything!"

(Sors: Michelle's Blog)

How to make housework fun for your kids

One day I entered into my son’s room, and noticed it was very messy, from top to bottom. Dirty clothes everywhere. Disaster :-D Immediately I started to clean it and put the things in their right place. Somehow my eyes rested on a toy chest. It was covered with fine, velvet-like dust which you are able to see only when the sunlight falls on it at a particular angle! Oh my! I called my son to come back to the room, gave him furniture wipes, asking him to clean it. He did so without any complaints. The situation was completely different before, since he did all this on his own, without my directions.

In general, kids up to 5-6 years of age like doing housework. I guess they identify with the parents in that way, wishing to behave the same as grownups. They still don’t imagine these chores as a sort of a duty or obligation, and it takes just a little of their time to clean or finish something. I remember that only a year ago, my son did not even allow dust to come near the furniture! He was faster than every speck of dust in the room.

Then he grew up and every kind of housework became an effort, a burden, something that he didn’t even consider doing. How to turn back time and make him the boy he used to be? I realized I had to think of the ways to make housework fun. In other words, I had to put a bitter pill in colorful candy wrapper hoping he would swallow it. Here are some tips how to get your kids help with the housework.

First you need to pick some housework that could be fun, like I already said. I chose to do something with house plants since I wanted to instill a love for flowers and gardening in my kids and create a culture of responsibility for something live. Plants require occasional but regular care. You will need to explain your children exactly what to do, but also let them to do the things by themselves, such as watering the plants, dusting the leaves, showering them and placing the pebbles over the top of the pots.

If you want to get this housework done without your kids making a mess, bring out the plants on the terrace or in the garden. Prepare the water for pouring as much as needed, but not too much, otherwise children can “drown” the plants. Get the kids dressed in old clothes and give them a watering can. They will probably bring along rakes and similar gardening tools. My kids enjoy watering the plants, raking, and to decorate the pots with the shells we have brought home from the beach. Now everybody is happy: my children, plants and especially me!

Some other tasks regarding housekeeping, such as dusting, sorting and grouping toys or clothes, can be interesting if you encourage competitive spirit. Thus children can compete who will be the first to finish a particular task. Parents can also join in to have stronger competition. You should let them win, of course.

You don’t have to stick just to timing. You can also use some other ways of measuring the performance (for example, the winner is the one who put more books on the shelf). Younger children are usually very fond of sorting and putting things where they belong, so you can let them place dishes in a dishwasher. After the washing is over, give them a dish cloth to wipe some of the plates.

There are so many other ways to do the housework and make it fun. You just need to discover your own methods and your kids will definitely enjoy. Or rather let them create activities and use some of their ideas later on.